Do you have one of those moments or even large periods of time or perhaps those thoughts always buzzing in the background about worries-on-the-horizon in your life? Those worry-time-bombs I call them - you sort of know partly or suspect partly but are not sure? Maybe it is a concern about a loved one, a suspicion about a young one going astray or a white elephant no one talks about but you are worried about it ever becoming real? You cannot really do anything about them. You wish they would just go away, be somehow magically handled – poof, gone. All you can do is fervently wish you never have to cross those paths laden with those landmines or time bombs. Sometimes those anxious thoughts dance in the foreground and don’t leave you – nothing you can do to ease them, no distractions fade them and you are consumed by the worry. Or perhaps you have confirmed worries, some active situations about health of a loved one or some other life crisis? Crying out to the heavens, maybe silent, hot tears rolling down your cheek at night or muffled sobs you cry in the bathroom when these anxious worries about life or loved ones consume you? Perhaps it's just me? Nevertheless, I have a story to tell about one such time.
Two weeks ago, a worry-time-bomb I hold in my heart about a dear little loved one surfaced. Something I had been asking the Lord to take away, just like that. My heart was like water within me, in my concern and overwhelming fear and dread. Wanting so bad for my loved young one to be rescued from the chains of the enemy and to be prevented from the impending doom I worry about.
All I could do was cry out loudly in my bedroom, on my knees (well, in a few minutes I squatted down, my knees are getting older) looking up at the sky and laying my case before my Lord, my God. After crying ceased, I waited quietly, knowing I had been heard – not because of me or the strength of my prayer or the cup full of tears but because of who He says He is. Then in the stillness, this dialogue played in my head, it is as if I was having a chat with God.
The Lord says, “Do you believe that my hand is too short to reverse this?”
I say, “ No.”
The Lord says, “So, if I have not acted or if it looks like it has not changed, do you trust my wisdom, that there must be a reason?
I say, “Yes.”
The Lord says, “Then you must trust in me, must wait for my time, must have patience.”
I say, “Yes, Lord.”
The Lord says, “Do not listen to the voice of the enemy who wants you to be anxious, wants you to lose peace, wants you to worry about what if, wants you to doubt and be ineffective.”
I say, “Ok, Lord.”
The Lord says, “I made the heavens and the earth by my power. I created everything in love. I will redeem all that I created with the same love. You keep your eyes on me. You do what I put on your heart to do. I will manage and I will deliver what is so close to your heart for which your tears flow. You must have patience. You must trust in my wisdom. I have told you I will reverse it and I will.”
I can tell you that the heaviness of the worry lifted off.
I remained with an active understanding that this does not mean sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. This means continuing to seek God and do what He wants me to do – it may have nothing to do with the subject of the concern. Then the other part of my job is to continue to raise the concern in prayer with the same seriousness and same assurance that I had just received that God hears and He will act. Somehow God has a currency of prayer – real, honest, Spirit-filled prayer. I suppose I will only understand why and how prayer works one day – one more item on the list of mysteries to chat with God about after my human life ends. But I digress, the main thing is that God has 99.9% of the thing and He lets us partner on the 0.01% of the thing either to do as He asks or just to continue in prayer.
I reminded myself that God is faithful, I am not always. That God does not lie, I can easily lie. God is powerful, I am not on my own. God is magnificent in wisdom and knowledge; I need to let Him be Captain. Finally, the simple and logical dialogue above tells me that God is interested in my stuff, even the things that are relatively small on the scale of the bigger global issues and problems other people face.
I dozed off after that. A great restorative nap. When I woke up, I had this vague picture or thought, cannot say whether I saw it or thought it – but it was something like walking on a tight rope high up across a valley between two mountain peaks. The one peak I just left, was visible behind me. The other peak where the valley ended and supposedly the other end of the tightrope was hitched, was not visible. The end of the valley was not visible, the destination mountain (I assumed there is a mountain) was all hidden in clouds and fog. I could only see the part of the tight rope in front me for a few meters and the lush green, deep, deep valley under. The tight rope was high above, like as high as the apex point of the gondola that runs peak to peak at Whistler Blackcomb. Yeah, picture that. That’s what it is – faith walk. Clearly, there is an end because the tight rope is taut. How far it is, how long it will take is not known. Looking back is not an option. Looking down leads to another kind of panic attack. Do I trust He will hold me? Do I trust He is with me even if I fall? Do I trust He is teaching me to walk on such tight ropes of life where I know I can fall because I know nothing about tight rope walking and am terrible at physical balancing? It just occurred to me as I type this why I saw this particular thought-picture. It’s because anyone who knows me knows that I could never ever succeed even one step on a tight rope 1 foot from the ground let alone a tight-rope-high-above-valley. Do I trust the end will be good no matter how the path (or rope) goes? This is what “waiting on the Lord” means.
There is usually no instant answer when the button on the prayer machine is pressed. It is not a vending machine. This is the life of active walk of faith, you keep walking while you wait for the Lord to bring about the end of the matter in the best possible way. Walk with knowing that sometimes the best end of the matter is something you may not see until you are all done with this life. Get to know the Lord more because you can only trust someone you know and because you never know when you will be on such a tight rope stretch in your life.
I hope this helps someone who reads, just like it helped me.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope - Psalm 130:5
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. - Romans 8:25
But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. -Micah 7:7
Two weeks ago, a worry-time-bomb I hold in my heart about a dear little loved one surfaced. Something I had been asking the Lord to take away, just like that. My heart was like water within me, in my concern and overwhelming fear and dread. Wanting so bad for my loved young one to be rescued from the chains of the enemy and to be prevented from the impending doom I worry about.
All I could do was cry out loudly in my bedroom, on my knees (well, in a few minutes I squatted down, my knees are getting older) looking up at the sky and laying my case before my Lord, my God. After crying ceased, I waited quietly, knowing I had been heard – not because of me or the strength of my prayer or the cup full of tears but because of who He says He is. Then in the stillness, this dialogue played in my head, it is as if I was having a chat with God.
The Lord says, “Do you believe that my hand is too short to reverse this?”
I say, “ No.”
The Lord says, “So, if I have not acted or if it looks like it has not changed, do you trust my wisdom, that there must be a reason?
I say, “Yes.”
The Lord says, “Then you must trust in me, must wait for my time, must have patience.”
I say, “Yes, Lord.”
The Lord says, “Do not listen to the voice of the enemy who wants you to be anxious, wants you to lose peace, wants you to worry about what if, wants you to doubt and be ineffective.”
I say, “Ok, Lord.”
The Lord says, “I made the heavens and the earth by my power. I created everything in love. I will redeem all that I created with the same love. You keep your eyes on me. You do what I put on your heart to do. I will manage and I will deliver what is so close to your heart for which your tears flow. You must have patience. You must trust in my wisdom. I have told you I will reverse it and I will.”
I can tell you that the heaviness of the worry lifted off.
I remained with an active understanding that this does not mean sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. This means continuing to seek God and do what He wants me to do – it may have nothing to do with the subject of the concern. Then the other part of my job is to continue to raise the concern in prayer with the same seriousness and same assurance that I had just received that God hears and He will act. Somehow God has a currency of prayer – real, honest, Spirit-filled prayer. I suppose I will only understand why and how prayer works one day – one more item on the list of mysteries to chat with God about after my human life ends. But I digress, the main thing is that God has 99.9% of the thing and He lets us partner on the 0.01% of the thing either to do as He asks or just to continue in prayer.
I reminded myself that God is faithful, I am not always. That God does not lie, I can easily lie. God is powerful, I am not on my own. God is magnificent in wisdom and knowledge; I need to let Him be Captain. Finally, the simple and logical dialogue above tells me that God is interested in my stuff, even the things that are relatively small on the scale of the bigger global issues and problems other people face.
I dozed off after that. A great restorative nap. When I woke up, I had this vague picture or thought, cannot say whether I saw it or thought it – but it was something like walking on a tight rope high up across a valley between two mountain peaks. The one peak I just left, was visible behind me. The other peak where the valley ended and supposedly the other end of the tightrope was hitched, was not visible. The end of the valley was not visible, the destination mountain (I assumed there is a mountain) was all hidden in clouds and fog. I could only see the part of the tight rope in front me for a few meters and the lush green, deep, deep valley under. The tight rope was high above, like as high as the apex point of the gondola that runs peak to peak at Whistler Blackcomb. Yeah, picture that. That’s what it is – faith walk. Clearly, there is an end because the tight rope is taut. How far it is, how long it will take is not known. Looking back is not an option. Looking down leads to another kind of panic attack. Do I trust He will hold me? Do I trust He is with me even if I fall? Do I trust He is teaching me to walk on such tight ropes of life where I know I can fall because I know nothing about tight rope walking and am terrible at physical balancing? It just occurred to me as I type this why I saw this particular thought-picture. It’s because anyone who knows me knows that I could never ever succeed even one step on a tight rope 1 foot from the ground let alone a tight-rope-high-above-valley. Do I trust the end will be good no matter how the path (or rope) goes? This is what “waiting on the Lord” means.
There is usually no instant answer when the button on the prayer machine is pressed. It is not a vending machine. This is the life of active walk of faith, you keep walking while you wait for the Lord to bring about the end of the matter in the best possible way. Walk with knowing that sometimes the best end of the matter is something you may not see until you are all done with this life. Get to know the Lord more because you can only trust someone you know and because you never know when you will be on such a tight rope stretch in your life.
I hope this helps someone who reads, just like it helped me.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope - Psalm 130:5
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. - Romans 8:25
But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. -Micah 7:7
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